Discovering Orgasm with a Partner — A Guide for Women

Many women are able to reach some degree of orgasm alone, but have difficulty having orgasms with their partner. This especially applies to vaginal/g-spot orgasms.

First of all, the key is to allow lots of time for the man to pleasure you–probably not with his penis (which, for most men cannot provide the duration or the consistency of the stimulation required for orgasm to take place).

Instead, after a relaxing massage, allow the man (with lots of lubricant!) to pleasure your with his fingers. Slowly moving from the whole non-erogenous body to the neck and face, then to the breasts, and then to the vulva. Although, there is no necessity of moving further down this list. It may be best to have sensuous touch around the face and ears for quite some time. And very strong emotional and physical reactions can result from this alone.

Or, as long as it is pleasant, simply concentrate on the breasts and nipples with manual play or sucking and gentle biting. You want to get to a place where relaxation is deep and enjoyment is complete. Sometimes ‘diving straight in’ generates too much stress and complete enjoyment is not possible–much less orgasm.

A woman can feel when the desire moves in her body and where she would like to be touched. So simply communicate this.

Now, when you are first starting to learn partner orgasm, plan at least 1.5 hours in. The female body, especially if orgasming with a partner is difficult, requires in general a much longer amount of time until it is ready for direct genital stimulation. Give yourself this time. It may take a few sessions until you feel ready to move on to the vulva. This is just fine.

Once at the vulva, start with massaging the outer lips for some time, then the inner lips. Then, upon receiving permission, move inside and gently probe the inside of the woman’s sexuality. Ever so gently, the partner (I will say man for simplicity’s sake) must listen to his woman and follow her lead.

It’s an exploration and a providing of time and space more than it is a goal-driven experience.

As your relaxation as recipient grows, your sensation, experience, and confidence will increase. Once you are able to experience very expanded ecstatic states through manual stimulation, you are ready to move on to penetrative sex–with the same

Of course, this is dramatically simplified. Feel free to contact me for couples Skype or live coaching about this topic where we can discuss your specific issues to deepen your orgasmic experience.

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