Ever notice how a woman in our society is allowed to be sexy or intelligent, but not both?
Beautiful models are only allowed to be seen, not to speak. They don’t participate in issues. They don’t go to debates.
Intelligent women are not allowed to act overtly sexy (on company time).
And mothers are not really allowed to be either—they raise children and are not really welcome to participate in the active structuring of corporations, governments, or other organizations—not if they are going to be seen as ‘good mothers’.
Why is this?
Because an integrated woman possesses incredible power which is absolutely terrifying for everyone else—men and women.
Remember the story of the crabs?
If you put one crab in a bucket, he will crawl out. But if you have two crabs in a bucket, just as the first one is making some headway, the second one will put the first down and back in.
This is how we work in society. We want people to be like us. At the moment where they express unusually more power, initiative, competence, or whatever than we have, we become jealous.
If we see them as too inferior, weak, incompetent, we become judge – mental. In either case, we distance ourselves from them inside.
The combination of these two elements is what is referred to as the sin of pride (sin denoting a false way of seeing).
This fundamental split in the energies that a woman is allowed to possess and express has been termed the “Lilith Complex” by German psychologist Hans-Jürgen Maaz.
Lilith was Adam’s first wife, according to Jewish mythology. She was a powerful, sexual woman who wasn’t interested in children. More importantly, she saw herself as Adam’s equal. Rather than put up with the competition, Adam asked God to take her away and provide another—which was done. Eve was docile, obedient, and loved motherhood and children. Now Adam could relax.
Lilith was forever banned into the wilderness.
And that is where she has stayed until this day. She remains there as our concept of “a good mother” is colored into someone who doesn’t overtly display her sexuality (much less do anything ‘kinky’ or ‘wild’), who is peaceful, and gentle and loving and…motherly! The positive qualities are as clear to us as they are cliché. If our mother wasn’t like that (if she was out in discos persuing pleasure instead of at home taking care of us), we wish she would have been. If she is like that, she is honored and revered by society (you know about Mother’s day. You have never heard of Maiden Day, Slut Day, Crone/Witch (wise woman) day…) A good mother puts others first and does not complain about the burdens placed upon her.
But if she is never allowed to be overtly sexual or powerfully shape society, it is easy to understand the frustration (perhaps indicated by the quantity of antidepressants women and especially mothers take in our society) she feels at the lack of expression she has (self-expression being one of the needs from Maslow’s famous hierarchy).
As long as one or more of the key parts of being a woman is denied to almost all women in our society, each woman individually will suffer from the lack of balance of her expression and society suffers from its inability to receive the gifts that are available from a woman who is integrated and comfortable with every portion of her self.
Healing the Split
So, how do we fix this?
How do women:
- Reclaim their inner power as a sexual being (often derogatorily labeled as “slut” or “whore”)
- Manifest their powers of wisdom openly in society (without unnerving or losing the interest of males)
…while retaining the ability to also express the nurturing and “mothering” which is also a key part of the female psyche?