Category Archives: Conscious sex

How I learned about Sex

After leaving the Mormon church, drenched in shame and body-negative messages, and not knowing where to turn, I decided I wanted to learn about sex and alternative relationships.

There were two places to do that: ZEGG, which was holding an intro weekend a couple hours from where I lived. I don’t remember how I heard of them.

The other was an ad I saw in the online classifieds in Dresden. “John Hawken, famous tantra teacher from the UK coming this one weekend only to Dresden.”

I was intrigued. I called the number on the ad and a gruff man answered. This was the convo.

“Hi! I saw your ad for a tantra workshop. What is that?

“What do you think it is?”

“Well, I think it’s about sex.”

“Uh huh.”

“Um, so can I register?”

“You can just show up, I guess.”

What I didn’t realize was that Stefan had placed the ad with the hope of bringing more hot women into the local tantra scene. I, as a man, was competition, so he did his best to gruffly dissuade me from coming.

In retrospect, he might have been wise to do that. In two months I was running the local group’s practice sessions and by the end of the summer I had spent *ahem* -time- with most the  female population of the local group.

When I arrived for the weekend, John began by paraphrasing Osho (but I didn’t know that).

“When you study an idea or a philosophy, you like it or you don’t. You accept it or you don’t. And, maybe later you find a different philosophy. Here, we don’t learn by memorization or rote or debate. Here we learn by experience.”

I was so tired of sitting in classrooms during childhood listening to teachers and religious leaders drone on–and I had been so betrayed by their ideas which hadn’t actually worked in my life, I immediately latched on to this new mode of learning.

I decided not to read anything else about this topic for the time being and learn experientially.

And why not? How do children learn about life? About their preferences? About what is dangerous?

Not conceptually, primarily. Experientially. They learn how to ask for a cookie and what that is because they want one, not because someone needs to drone on about how important cookies are for our economic growth.

John would give us an experience. We were randomly paired, men and women, and we danced elbow to elbow. Or we breathed and gazed into each other’s eyes. Or we wore blindfolds and embraced a stranger.

Each experience was about the experience. Not primarily our thoughts about what the experience would be like. Nor about our judgments or evaluations of it. What sensations did we experience internally and externally? What feelings were present? What were we thinking?

We became magnificently aware of the processes within us during each of these experiences. We noticed how the experience was dramatically different with a different person. Or the same person on a different day.

I had never felt so alive.

I remember during the break going to the local store and staring the cashier right in the eyes. I felt like I could conquer the world.

We did hear a little theory. But not to regurgitate or believe or reject. Simply to provide some context for our experience, if it were helpful.

“Religions argue about what you are. Are you just a body? Or a spirit in a body? According to tantra, there are two components. You are a point of point of consciousness, and a flow of energy. Energy is the feminine principle and consciousness is the masculine. The dance between these two creates the world and your life and your relationships.”

I will never forget those words. They clicked into place verifying to me an entire map of myself and my romances which I had always looked for but never found. My life from that point would be devoted to researching the experience of all the ways that dance could manifest in my life and how I could experience it with others.

Thinking about Sex

“It is sexual energy which governs the structure of human feeling and thinking.” – Wilhelm Reich

I think about sex all the time.

No. I don’t mean that way. (or just that way…)

I also think of it in a societal way. As in, how does sexual and erotic energy get used in our world for all sorts of nefarious things.

Non-judgement. What is nefarious, you ask?

War. Poverty. Starvation. Ecological devastation.

Everything that “our civilization” produces in spades.

Why does it do that? Have you ever wondered?

Because the natural pathways for the expression of sexual energy have been dammed.

And everything you see that is sexual in our world: strip clubs, porn, prostitution, cheating, ‘alternative sexualities’ and their expressions, web camming, phone sex, dominas, fetish clubs, the kink scene and BDSM, is an attempt by sexual energy to find its way back into natural pathways.

What is natural and what is normal are two different things.

And everything that is f’ed up in our world is a result of the natural being slave to the normal…and the normal being determined by either people filled with guilt, shame, and fear, or who have some sort of alternative agenda.

If you don’t think that those in power have an agenda…well, I don’t know where to start. Read about what happened to Wilhelm Reich.

Why do we embrace Freudian psychology?

Once you study the history of Freud a bit, it all becomes clear.

It takes digging, but the world is run in a very different way than it is portrayed.

Time to free it.

What I wish I Could Tell You (For the Future Spiritual Sexual Healer/Dakini or Daka)

by Ryan Orrock

Today, a beautiful person came to me excited with the opportunity to use her power and sexuality in healing. (November 9, 2013). It prompted me to write the following.


I wish I could tell you about the magical journey that lies before you. I wish I could show you the many faces of all the people you will help.

I wish I could describe the deep satisfaction that comes from touching people in the most powerful way they have ever been touched.

But you know this. You smell it already.

Which is why I see excitement, the pleasure, the hunger burned in your eyes.

I also the defiance. The seduction. The unpredictable wantoness mixed with pure joy.

You know who you are. Even while you are still searching for yourself.

You know what you are here to do, even though you have no idea exactly what that will entail.

But you have it inside. You have always had it. Ever since you were small. That flame.

A flame your parents probably fought. Society tried to extinguish. A flame that almost everyone around you said could only end in a catastrophically destructive conflagration.

But you didn’t listen–you believe them. At least not always.

You have been scarred, but not broken. Attacked, but not destroyed.

You, are still here.

And in a very special way, that flame burns brighter than ever.

Thank you for allowing me to see it.

And now some words of experience.

This won’t be easy.

It will be the hardest thing you have ever done, in many ways.

You will probably continue to be opposed by society. Many of your friends, even loves, will not understand you. Some will reject you for following where this flame leads.

Your soul will be torn in two at times in the seeming conflict between your happiness and your mission.

Many people will appear offering to help. Some of them will leave deep scars.

But your knowledge will continue to increase. Your flame will grow brighter and brighter, until it consumes everything that opposes it.

This will be a long and arduous journey. A journey for a queen. A journey for a heroine.

There is nothing of perfection in this journey. But everything of greatness.

Never give up and the gods themselves will be in awe of you.


A Conscious Lovemaking Session

Warning: This is a graphic depiction of conscious lovemaking. Only read this article if you are an adult and wish to see what conscious lovemaking might look like.

Sarah met John at a party. The chemistry was evident between them at the first moment. Emancipated woman that she was, she invited him back to her place.

She lit a few candles and put on some music and soon enough it began its work-and they found themselves making out on the couch.

She took him by the hand to lead him to the beautifully decorated bedroom. She whisked off her dress and soon he was naked as well.

She kissed him with quick darting of her tongue, and it felt good to him. He kissed and sucked her lips and her tongue more deeply.

She pushed him down on the bed and took his already hard cock into her mouth, expertly sucking and licking him. It was very pleasureable-but something was missing…

“Stop”, he said.

Surprised, she looked up? Stop? No one had ever stopped her before-was she doing something wrong?

“Let’s slow down. Just listen,” he said.

He laid her on the bed and his fingers began to trace very slow meanderings upon her belly. She reached up to stroke his chest.

“Just wait,” he interrupted. He caught her hand and placed it on the bed.

What on earth was he doing?

He continued to trace the circles and her mind was filled with questions.

“Just listen,” he whispered.

“Listen to what?” she wondered.

She began, lacking anything else to do, to pay attention to his fingers on her belly. As she paid attention to the sensations she felt, she began to notice the intensity—for lack of a better word—with which he touched her.

He seemed completely focused on his fingers, as if he was listening to her body through them somehow. Slowly, he moved them up to trace ever so delicately the bottom curve of her breasts.

She found herself letting out an involuntary moan accompanied by a whole body shiver. He was only stroking her—seemingly like many men had done before—yet this had an unusual feeling about it. It seemed not only pleasant…it was right. But right how? And how did he know?

As John continued to gently trace her body, moving over her nipples, caressing her face and her neck, she began to feel as if each part of her were somehow awakening as he ever-so-delicately caressed it.

As he progressed, his movements became slightly faster and with more pressure where it felt good. Again, it wasn’t so much a plan of his as listening for where the next, right place to touch was.

Soon, Sarah noticed that she was breathing deeply in and out-and her body was rolling in waves as the energy—there was no other word for it—flowed through her. His movements were not controlling, but seemed to guide the energy that was flowing through her body through no conscious effort of her own.

Their interaction continued, in every moment it was guided by the principle of presence, listening, and following the energy.

Not performance. He wasn’t there to ‘please’ her.

She wasn’t there to ‘satisfy’ him.

It wasn’t about intellect. They weren’t acting out some fantasy together.

Even as they made love, the lovemaking took on its own rhythm as the bodies seemingly glided together in motions that required no attention, planning, or thought.

It seemed like it lasted forever.

Their connection deepened, afterwards they lay silently and looked into each other’s eyes…

As we engage in conscious sex, we create a connection to ourselves and our partners that we may never have imagined was possible.

Like nursing a baby, it requires no special training or skills. In fact, it requires dropping much of what we have learned or are convinced is true about sexuality.

It requires deep listening. First to oneself. Then to the other. Only then can we begin to deeply connect in a conscious way in the bedroom.

– Bayraba Ven