Category Archives: Osho Book of Secrets

How I learned about Sex

After leaving the Mormon church, drenched in shame and body-negative messages, and not knowing where to turn, I decided I wanted to learn about sex and alternative relationships.

There were two places to do that: ZEGG, which was holding an intro weekend a couple hours from where I lived. I don’t remember how I heard of them.

The other was an ad I saw in the online classifieds in Dresden. “John Hawken, famous tantra teacher from the UK coming this one weekend only to Dresden.”

I was intrigued. I called the number on the ad and a gruff man answered. This was the convo.

“Hi! I saw your ad for a tantra workshop. What is that?

“What do you think it is?”

“Well, I think it’s about sex.”

“Uh huh.”

“Um, so can I register?”

“You can just show up, I guess.”

What I didn’t realize was that Stefan had placed the ad with the hope of bringing more hot women into the local tantra scene. I, as a man, was competition, so he did his best to gruffly dissuade me from coming.

In retrospect, he might have been wise to do that. In two months I was running the local group’s practice sessions and by the end of the summer I had spent *ahem* -time- with most the  female population of the local group.

When I arrived for the weekend, John began by paraphrasing Osho (but I didn’t know that).

“When you study an idea or a philosophy, you like it or you don’t. You accept it or you don’t. And, maybe later you find a different philosophy. Here, we don’t learn by memorization or rote or debate. Here we learn by experience.”

I was so tired of sitting in classrooms during childhood listening to teachers and religious leaders drone on–and I had been so betrayed by their ideas which hadn’t actually worked in my life, I immediately latched on to this new mode of learning.

I decided not to read anything else about this topic for the time being and learn experientially.

And why not? How do children learn about life? About their preferences? About what is dangerous?

Not conceptually, primarily. Experientially. They learn how to ask for a cookie and what that is because they want one, not because someone needs to drone on about how important cookies are for our economic growth.

John would give us an experience. We were randomly paired, men and women, and we danced elbow to elbow. Or we breathed and gazed into each other’s eyes. Or we wore blindfolds and embraced a stranger.

Each experience was about the experience. Not primarily our thoughts about what the experience would be like. Nor about our judgments or evaluations of it. What sensations did we experience internally and externally? What feelings were present? What were we thinking?

We became magnificently aware of the processes within us during each of these experiences. We noticed how the experience was dramatically different with a different person. Or the same person on a different day.

I had never felt so alive.

I remember during the break going to the local store and staring the cashier right in the eyes. I felt like I could conquer the world.

We did hear a little theory. But not to regurgitate or believe or reject. Simply to provide some context for our experience, if it were helpful.

“Religions argue about what you are. Are you just a body? Or a spirit in a body? According to tantra, there are two components. You are a point of point of consciousness, and a flow of energy. Energy is the feminine principle and consciousness is the masculine. The dance between these two creates the world and your life and your relationships.”

I will never forget those words. They clicked into place verifying to me an entire map of myself and my romances which I had always looked for but never found. My life from that point would be devoted to researching the experience of all the ways that dance could manifest in my life and how I could experience it with others.

23: Starting and Stopping the Journey

“And many go back; then they never turn within again. As I see it, every one of you have tried in some life or other some meditative technique. You have been near to the nothingness, and then fear gripped you and you escaped. And deep in your past memories, that memory is there; that becomes the hindrance. Whenever you again think of trying meditation, that past memory deep down in your unconscious mind again disturbs you and says, “Go on thinking; do not do it. You have done it once.” – Osho

Meditation is a destructive process. It is the process of attacking your ego, your concepts of self and others–your map of the world.

Somehow you know that destroying this will leave you mapless–lost! you fear–in a hostile world. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When you are very close to reaching this space of nothingness and openness, a tremendous fear can develop. As if you will be swallowed up. Your own destruction!

However, it is simply the destruction of the ‘monkey mind’ that has caused so much suffering in your life…and perhaps lives!

You have nothing to lose but this falseness. There is nothing to find but your true self.

The surrender will help you preserver past this point and to attain.

Do not trust the mind at this point. Remember what it has brought you and surrender into the grace of attainment.

22: Why are we Afraid of Freedom

“Deep down somewhere there is fear. The fear is that if you do it, it may be that something stops happening – that is the fear. It may look paradoxical, but I have been meeting so many – so many persons – who think they want to change. They say they need meditation, they ask for a deep transformation, but deep down they are also afraid. They are dual – double; they have two minds. They go on asking about what to do, never doing it. Why then do they go on asking? Just to deceive themselves that they are really interested in transforming themselves. That is why they are asking.

This gives a facade, an appearance that they are really, sincerely interested in changing themselves. That is why they are asking, going to this guru and that, finding, trying, but they never do anything. Deep down they are afraid.

Eric Fromm has written a book, FEAR OF FREEDOM. The title seems contradictory. Everyone thinks that they like freedom; everyone thinks that they are endeavoring for freedom – in this world and in ”that world” also. ”We want MOKSHA – liberation – we want to be freed from all limitations, from all slaveries. We want to be totally free,” they say. But Eric Fromm says that man is afraid of freedom. We want it, we go on saying that we want it, we go on convincing ourselves that we want it, but deep down we are afraid of freedom. We do not want it! Why? Why this duality?

Freedom creates fear, and meditation is the deepest freedom possible. You are not freed only from outward limitations, you are freed from inner slavery – the very mind, the base of slavery. You are freed from the whole past. The moment you have no mind, the past has disappeared. You have transcended history; now there is no society, no religion, no scripture, no tradition, because they all have their abode in the mind. Now there is no past, no future, because past and future are part of the mind, the memory and the imagination.

Then you are here and now in the present. Now there is not going to be any future. There will be now and now and now – eternal now. Then you are freed completely; you transcend all tradition, all history, body, mind, everything. One becomes free of the fearful. Such freedom? Then where will YOU be? In such freedom, can you exist? In such freedom, in such vastness, can you have your small ”I” – your ego? Can you say ”I am?” – Osho

Becoming honest about the terror you feel about succeeding in finding yourself is just as important as being free to express your pain about the way things are right now.

Yes, it is scary to change, to develop. You have never been there before. You don’t know what will happen once you reach that place.

But be honest about that. Be honest and accept the fear. Then make a conscious decision. Decide to stay the same. Or decide to change.

Cease deceiving yourself.

21 – Don’t Trust Your Mind

“Even those who talk so much of skepticism, of doubt, of reason, even they never doubt their own minds. And your mind has brought you to the state you are in. If you are in a hell, your mind has brought you to this hell, and you never doubt this guide. You can doubt any teacher, any master, but you never doubt your mind. With unflinching faith, you move with your mind as the guru. And your mind has brought you to the mess, to the misery that you are. If you are going to doubt anything, doubt first your own mind. And whenever your mind says something, think twice…

“So do not think that your mind is not playing the same tricks. It is very intelligent, and because you think it is your mind you never doubt it. It is not yours, it is just a social product. It is not yours! It has been given to you, it has been forced upon you. You have been taught and conditioned in a certain way. From the very childhood your mind has been created by others — parents, society, teachers. The past is creating your mind, influencing your mind. The dead past is forcing itself upon the living continuously.”

– Osho

There is a big difference between your mind and your consciousness. Your mind consists of very limited thoughts. It is based on experience. Of the past.

How do you feel when you think about dying? Becoming very ill? Becoming very poor? Losing your job? Losing a loved one?

You can feel into your body how it reacts when you start to even think about these things. Yet none of them is real. None of them is happening.

This is all mind and the suffering it creates.

You must learn to trust something deeper than your mind and its thoughts if you wish to transcend the life you are living now.

 

20: Starting Meditation Right

“Do this: do not make meditation the last thing on your schedule. Make it the first. Then when you feel that now it is not an effort, when you can sit for an hour together completely immersed in breathing – aware, attentive – when you only know this, that you have achieved attention of breathing without any effort; when you are relaxed and enjoying it without any forcing, then you have attained it.

“One has to be patient and one has to start rightly. Know this, because the cunning mind will always try to give you a wrong start. Then you can leave it after two or three days and say, ”This is hopeless.” The mind will give you a wrong start. So always remember to begin rightly, because rightly begun means half done. But we start wrongly.” – Osho

When you first try to meditate, a million and one things will get in the way. No time, no desire.

This is all mind. Hiding your pain from yourself. You will not die. Just go for it. Just do it, as the commercial says.

If you think, your mind will convince you out of it. If you delay, the mind will find other things for you to do.


But this is your chance to be the master of your mind and thus your thoughts and thus your life. The mind will continue to run things. It will be happy to take over anytime you give up the wheel. Simply say ‘No’ and take control.

Take the time for you, away from your frantic mind. And stick with it.

This is the beginning of meditation.