Category Archives: Spirituality

How I learned about Sex

After leaving the Mormon church, drenched in shame and body-negative messages, and not knowing where to turn, I decided I wanted to learn about sex and alternative relationships.

There were two places to do that: ZEGG, which was holding an intro weekend a couple hours from where I lived. I don’t remember how I heard of them.

The other was an ad I saw in the online classifieds in Dresden. “John Hawken, famous tantra teacher from the UK coming this one weekend only to Dresden.”

I was intrigued. I called the number on the ad and a gruff man answered. This was the convo.

“Hi! I saw your ad for a tantra workshop. What is that?

“What do you think it is?”

“Well, I think it’s about sex.”

“Uh huh.”

“Um, so can I register?”

“You can just show up, I guess.”

What I didn’t realize was that Stefan had placed the ad with the hope of bringing more hot women into the local tantra scene. I, as a man, was competition, so he did his best to gruffly dissuade me from coming.

In retrospect, he might have been wise to do that. In two months I was running the local group’s practice sessions and by the end of the summer I had spent *ahem* -time- with most the  female population of the local group.

When I arrived for the weekend, John began by paraphrasing Osho (but I didn’t know that).

“When you study an idea or a philosophy, you like it or you don’t. You accept it or you don’t. And, maybe later you find a different philosophy. Here, we don’t learn by memorization or rote or debate. Here we learn by experience.”

I was so tired of sitting in classrooms during childhood listening to teachers and religious leaders drone on–and I had been so betrayed by their ideas which hadn’t actually worked in my life, I immediately latched on to this new mode of learning.

I decided not to read anything else about this topic for the time being and learn experientially.

And why not? How do children learn about life? About their preferences? About what is dangerous?

Not conceptually, primarily. Experientially. They learn how to ask for a cookie and what that is because they want one, not because someone needs to drone on about how important cookies are for our economic growth.

John would give us an experience. We were randomly paired, men and women, and we danced elbow to elbow. Or we breathed and gazed into each other’s eyes. Or we wore blindfolds and embraced a stranger.

Each experience was about the experience. Not primarily our thoughts about what the experience would be like. Nor about our judgments or evaluations of it. What sensations did we experience internally and externally? What feelings were present? What were we thinking?

We became magnificently aware of the processes within us during each of these experiences. We noticed how the experience was dramatically different with a different person. Or the same person on a different day.

I had never felt so alive.

I remember during the break going to the local store and staring the cashier right in the eyes. I felt like I could conquer the world.

We did hear a little theory. But not to regurgitate or believe or reject. Simply to provide some context for our experience, if it were helpful.

“Religions argue about what you are. Are you just a body? Or a spirit in a body? According to tantra, there are two components. You are a point of point of consciousness, and a flow of energy. Energy is the feminine principle and consciousness is the masculine. The dance between these two creates the world and your life and your relationships.”

I will never forget those words. They clicked into place verifying to me an entire map of myself and my romances which I had always looked for but never found. My life from that point would be devoted to researching the experience of all the ways that dance could manifest in my life and how I could experience it with others.


“And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?” – Jesus

Two years ago (summer of 2014 I think), I heard a voice, upstairs in the kitchen in my home in Berkeley.

The voice said, “Ask for the power of God.”

I said, “Sure. I will.”

Later, I said, “Um, what does that even mean?”

The answer was, “The power of god is the power over life and death.”

“Which means?”

“The power to be immortal.”

Ok. So I prayed to be immortal. Whatever that means.

About 4 or 5 hours. Focused everything on it.

Aaaand forgot about it.

Still wondering a couple of years later what that means.

Now, there is documentary evidence on the internet that Keanu Reeves, Nic Cage, and Pharrell Williams are immortal.

Besides that, I don’t know anyone who is immortal, nor have I received any teachings about being immortal. So I am having to kind of figure this thing out on my own. Assuming that god doesn’t just kind of ‘make it so’. Which may happen, I guess.

I think it’s important to note here that your path to immortality has a lot to do with the purpose of life. I mean, one way to try to get immortality is to try to figure out how to prevent telomeres from being removed from genes. Or to cross humans with immortal jellyfish.

I tend to feel that immortality, if it is possible, will tend to have another pathway. More like what Buddha or Jesus or those cats figured out. Based on what I know about living, energy, and healing, I believe, if it is possible, it is more connected to our nature, spirituality, and eternal laws.

In other words, the secrets to immortality must be such that anyone could do it. It won’t require a lot of money or special technologies. It isn’t an ‘elite’ secret.

So, I have been thinking about the question for a couple years. Reading a little bit. Not much. Like most things, what you read on the internet about immortality is 99% nonsense.

I wanted to both collect what I am learning, which has been slow. But hey, I figure I got at least another 40 years or so to figure it out, right?

Keys to Immortality

So without further adieu, here are some of the things I’ve figured out in my researches.

1: Believe it’s possible

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. – Henry Ford

And immortality is no different than anything else in this vein. Regardless of whether the guy really used his mind to freeze himself to death in a broken refrigeration car or not–and I don’t doubt that these types of things are possible, based upon what I know about hypnosis, war, politics, religion, or life–if you don’t believe there is a New York, you are never going to try to get there, and you most probably won’t.

If you want to live forever, you had better start believing that there is an immortality that is possible and that you can do it. At least open your mind for curious inquiry. “What if I could live forever?”

This may just be the hardest step, based upon what we are taught in our society. Death and taxes, you know.

But what if death is just another propagandistic doctrine to hold us captive and enslaved, like most of the things we are taught?

2: Enjoy life

Look around you. Most people are committing slow suicide. Whether through cigarettes, being in unhappy relationships they can’t leave but hate, or sitting around in dead-end jobs, most people don’t seem to enjoy life that much.

And, if you aren’t enjoying it, why stay? Why stick around if “life is pain” as Wesley proclaimed?

If you want to live another 50, 500, or 5000 years, you probably want to be doing what you enjoy.

What would you enjoy?

Learning a new instrument? A new dance? Another language? Reading the collected works of Dostoevsky? Becoming a chess grandmaster?

Whatever that is, start it and follow it. Create a life you enjoy. Right now. And keep doing it as long as you enjoy it.

Make it worth it to live forever. That will give you a reason to actually make it happen.

3: You are always moving, choose the direction

Ok. Now we are getting a bit esoteric. I have a number of friends who get younger through the years.

I also read articles about people who look much younger than their ‘physical age’ all the time online. Yogis. Athletes.

And the occasional miracle.

How? Diet. Exercise. Emotional processing and balance. Rewarding relationships.

4: Control your Mind

“Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years; the one who dies at a hundred will be thought a mere child; the one who fails to reach a hundred will be considered accursed.”  – Isaiah 65:20

So, 100 years old will be considered a baby someday, if you believe Isaiah.

How do you get there?

One step is to learn how to use your mind totally efficiently. Your mind is like a giant, powerful motor that can do all sorts of amazing things. Most of us leave the room where it is stored unlocked, vacant, or allow anyone who wants to to play with the controls.

Considering it affects our body tremendously, we should be seeking control over our minds. We should direct what our ‘engine’ is working on (focus), what intent it is serving, and the attendant results.

I focused my mind for 3 days on manifesting a palace and got a call about a new giant house that I could move into for free.

Most people can’t focus their minds for 10 minutes on anything. What if you could focus the powers of your mind completely, all the time? What would your results be? What kind of life would you be living? How would that affect your health? Your relationships? Your impact on your world?

We see musicians, artists, acrobats, dancers–people who have focused their minds for a specific time on a specific task–and we are awestruck. But this is the beginning only.

Whatever your ‘aging’ experience is, focus your mind on reversing that.

5: Build and Direct Your Energy

This is similar to #2 above. After focusing the mind, focus the body in doing those things to cultivate and enrich your energy.

I’m not talking about unusual sexual or yogic practices–unless they fit the energetic vibration that empowers you.

Watch how your body responds to movements, sounds, types of breath and your intent. Create ‘positive feedback loops’ of energy to build up your body’s excitement and aliveness. Watch and feel how ‘sparkly’ body and energy is.

As you find new blocks or places that pull you into unpleasant emotion and energetic experiences, work with them to release them to go deeper.

Everything that enters your body: air, water, food…watch how it impacts your energy. Your emotions. Your lethargy or your aliveness.

Slowly optimize each element until the positive energetic feedback loops are self-perpetuating and move you into ever more aliveness and energetic power and wholeness.


It’s not like you wake up looking 10 years younger, but maybe a byproduct of the thought focus and energetic optimization that is ‘living healthily’ is that aging stops, and even reverses.


Developing Your Spirituality

So, how does one develop one’s own best personal spirituality.

  1. Become conscious of your current spirituality/ies
  2. Evaluate their effectiveness
  3. Decide if a change is necessary
  4. If necessary, re-orient yourself

Becoming Conscious

What do you ‘worship’ now? Where is your heart? Your core? Your emphasis?

The following questions are helpful.

  1. What do you spend most of your time doing?
  2. What do you spend most of your money on?
  3. In what places are you most often to be found?
  4. What type of people do you surround yourself with most often?
  5. What are your visions, dreams, and goals about?
  6. Who are your heroes?
  7. What are your biggest regrets?

As you begin to answer these questions for yourself, you can see where you’re spending your time, energy, and money.

This is not to say that a particular answer is wrong or bad. The question you simply need to ask yourself is, “Is the investment bringing you the rewards you expect and desire?”

If not, what is missing? Where do you still feel empty? Or unfulfilled?

Is your spirituality sufficient for who you are?

If not, consider an upgrade.

Debunking A Course in Miracles (ACIM) and Spiritual Scams

A cursory inspection of what we know reveals that A Course in Miracles is a spiritual scam.

I just name it especially because it is quite “big” and popular and am not going to take time into going into all of the reasons it is nonsense, but am just listing it as one of the examples of some of the types of spiritual scams that exist.

So, ACIM was written by a ‘spirit’ claiming to be Jesus. As ‘channeled’ by Helen.

So, one has to believe in Jesus to believe in ACIM. Otherwise, the “spirit” is lying and shouldn’t be believed. Correct?

But, if you do believe in Jesus, you kinda also have to believe in the New Testament in some fashion.

And, Jesus is recorded to have said: “For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.

Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not. For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets…they shall deceive the very elect.

Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not. For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.”

So, if you are going to literally believe those words, Jesus said not to believe in anyone claiming to BE him or speak for him.

And yet that is what ACIM is.

Which means you can’t believe both literally in the words to have been reported by the New Testament figure known as Jesus saying not to believe anyone claiming to be him AND ACIM (which requires believing in Jesus, according to the ‘channeler’).

ACIM contradicts its own existence, in other words.

Did Jesus really dictate A Course in Miracles to Helen?