Monthly Archives: July 2011

A Conscious Lovemaking Session

Warning: This is a graphic depiction of conscious lovemaking. Only read this article if you are an adult and wish to see what conscious lovemaking might look like.

Sarah met John at a party. The chemistry was evident between them at the first moment. Emancipated woman that she was, she invited him back to her place.

She lit a few candles and put on some music and soon enough it began its work-and they found themselves making out on the couch.

She took him by the hand to lead him to the beautifully decorated bedroom. She whisked off her dress and soon he was naked as well.

She kissed him with quick darting of her tongue, and it felt good to him. He kissed and sucked her lips and her tongue more deeply.

She pushed him down on the bed and took his already hard cock into her mouth, expertly sucking and licking him. It was very pleasureable-but something was missing…

“Stop”, he said.

Surprised, she looked up? Stop? No one had ever stopped her before-was she doing something wrong?

“Let’s slow down. Just listen,” he said.

He laid her on the bed and his fingers began to trace very slow meanderings upon her belly. She reached up to stroke his chest.

“Just wait,” he interrupted. He caught her hand and placed it on the bed.

What on earth was he doing?

He continued to trace the circles and her mind was filled with questions.

“Just listen,” he whispered.

“Listen to what?” she wondered.

She began, lacking anything else to do, to pay attention to his fingers on her belly. As she paid attention to the sensations she felt, she began to notice the intensity—for lack of a better word—with which he touched her.

He seemed completely focused on his fingers, as if he was listening to her body through them somehow. Slowly, he moved them up to trace ever so delicately the bottom curve of her breasts.

She found herself letting out an involuntary moan accompanied by a whole body shiver. He was only stroking her—seemingly like many men had done before—yet this had an unusual feeling about it. It seemed not only pleasant…it was right. But right how? And how did he know?

As John continued to gently trace her body, moving over her nipples, caressing her face and her neck, she began to feel as if each part of her were somehow awakening as he ever-so-delicately caressed it.

As he progressed, his movements became slightly faster and with more pressure where it felt good. Again, it wasn’t so much a plan of his as listening for where the next, right place to touch was.

Soon, Sarah noticed that she was breathing deeply in and out-and her body was rolling in waves as the energy—there was no other word for it—flowed through her. His movements were not controlling, but seemed to guide the energy that was flowing through her body through no conscious effort of her own.

Their interaction continued, in every moment it was guided by the principle of presence, listening, and following the energy.

Not performance. He wasn’t there to ‘please’ her.

She wasn’t there to ‘satisfy’ him.

It wasn’t about intellect. They weren’t acting out some fantasy together.

Even as they made love, the lovemaking took on its own rhythm as the bodies seemingly glided together in motions that required no attention, planning, or thought.

It seemed like it lasted forever.

Their connection deepened, afterwards they lay silently and looked into each other’s eyes…

As we engage in conscious sex, we create a connection to ourselves and our partners that we may never have imagined was possible.

Like nursing a baby, it requires no special training or skills. In fact, it requires dropping much of what we have learned or are convinced is true about sexuality.

It requires deep listening. First to oneself. Then to the other. Only then can we begin to deeply connect in a conscious way in the bedroom.

– Bayraba Ven

Why Short Therapy Sometimes Doesn’t Work

Why are the sessions usually structured how they are? (3-4 days at a time)

(Listen to this as MP3 Download: How Resistance Works in Therapy and Why Long Sessions  are more Effective )

The fundamental reason for doing this (beyond because I enjoy deep interaction and healing), is because of resistance. Many therapists are familiar with the client canceling sessions or therapy right before a breakthrough.

With longer session time, we have the space to allow feelings of resistance to arise, provide the presence they need to be processed, and let them pass again. As this happens, the subconscious and the body effectively receives the powerful, life-altering message that, “I allowed my energy to rise, and I didn’t die!”

If someone raises energy and immediately leaves the therapy session, there can be external resistance from friends and family as well as the programmed internal resistance. The combination can be enough for the recipient of the healing to allow any feelings of breakthrough or progress in the session to be overshadowed, repressed, or forgotten. Ending the therapy is not seldom a result.

After a large enough amount of time, a breakthrough is made that allows one to make a significant change in ‘real life’, rather than making a ‘small movement’ that is arrested at the first sign of resistance.

A related article:  Resistance and the Conscious Man.


Resistance to Conscious Men

(Listen to this as MP3 Download: How Resistance Works in Therapy and Why Long Sessions  Work )

Many times I hear women complain: there are no conscious, good men out there! No men with awareness! No spiritual men!

But what happens if a conscious man–a man with spiritual awareness–engages with a woman?

If he engages with her in any way deeply–and most conscious men will engage with a woman at a deep level very quickly–she will probably feel angry, offended, and notice a strong resistance in her to what is happening.

Why is that?

This is because a conscious man will invite a woman to enter into her full feminine power.

Why does that make her angry?

When she raised her energy as a child–squealing and screaming, dancing with abandon, or even touched herself in a way that adults did not approve of–she received messages like:

  • Be quiet!
  • Settle down!
  • Stop disturbing us!
  • Stop it!
  • That’s dirty!

All of these messages were sent with such a strong energy that often the message that she received was that her primary caretakers (usually the parents) were very unhappy with such behaviour. If she persisted, perhaps they would not even love her.

And of course the child realizes at some stage in childhood that if the parents do not love (‘take care’) of her as a child, she will die.

Therefore, when a woman has the opportunity to connect to a conscious man, what happens? In the moment in which she is invited to enter into her power:

  • One part of her–the natural part–the part that arrived at birth–is ecstatic at the idea of being able to fully enter into her energy, however that feels to her
  • Another part of her, the subconscious conditioned and repressed part, is naturally terrified. Because that part has received such strong messages that if she does not keep her energy low (where her parents communicated it should be) she will not receive love and is in danger of death.

As she connects to a conscious man, it’s as if he is putting a gun to her head. There is no real danger, but the emotion is so strong is feels as if her very life is at stake if she opens for the energy he is inviting her to enter into.

Very often, if the woman does not have adequate support to enter into this energy, she will avoid and end experiences which invite her to enter more deeply into her power to stop the turmoil that feels, literally, as painful as death.