“But the days of tantra are coming. Sooner or later tantra will explode for the first time in the masses, because for the first time the time is ripe – ripe to take sex naturally. It is possible that the explosion may come from the West, because Freud, Jung, Reich, they have prepared the background. They did not know anything about tantra, but they have made the basic ground for tantra to evolve. Western psychology has come to a conclusion that the basic human disease is somewhere around sex, the basic insanity of man is sex-oriented.
So unless this sex orientation is dissolved, man cannot be natural, normal. Man has gone wrong only because of his attitudes about sex. No attitude is needed. Only then are you natural. What attitude have you about your eyes? Are they evil or are they divine? Are you for your eyes or against them? There is no attitude! That is why your eyes are normal.
Take some attitude – think that eyes are evil. Then seeing will become difficult. Then seeing will take the same problematic shape that sex has taken. Then you will want to see, you will desire and you will hanker to see. But when you see you will feel guilty. Whenever you see you will feel guilty that you have done something wrong, that you have sinned. You would like to kill your very instrument of seeing; you would like to destroy your eyes. And the more you want to destroy them, the more you will become eye centered. Then you will start a very absurd activity. You will want to see more and more, and simultaneously you will feel more and more guilty.
The same has happened with the sex center. Tantra says, accept whatsoever you are. This is the basic note – total acceptance. And only through total acceptance can you grow. Then use every energy you have. How can you use them? Accept them, then find out what these energies are – what is sex, what is this phenomenon. We are not acquainted with it. We know many things about sex, taught by others. We may have passed through the sex act, but with a guilty mind, with a suppressive attitude, in haste, in a hurry. Something has to be done in order to become unburdened. The sex act is not a loving act. You are not happy in it, but you cannot leave it. The more you try to leave it, the more attractive it becomes. The more you want to negate it, the more you feel invited.”
Once you have been able to enjoy a basic orgasmic experience–this means clitoral orgasms by yourself and with a partner, and g-spot orgasms as well–you can, if you choose, begin to delve into the deeper mystical experiences and states of bliss that your sexuality can provide.
This happens naturally in a culture where you do not have any guilt and shame around your sexuality and when your energy can flow freely in your body and you have open communication with your partner.
This is very seldom the case, however.
Tantric or daoist lovemaking are some of the ways that you can more deeply explore your sexuality both alone and with a partner.
Various breathing patterns, energetic meditations, and consciousness-raising exercises can assist you in going deeper into these practices.
If you are not sure where to start, feel free to contact me with a bit of your story and I can point you in the right direction.
Many women are able to reach some degree of orgasm alone, but have difficulty having orgasms with their partner. This especially applies to vaginal/g-spot orgasms.
First of all, the key is to allow lots of time for the man to pleasure you–probably not with his penis (which, for most men cannot provide the duration or the consistency of the stimulation required for orgasm to take place).
Instead, after a relaxing massage, allow the man (with lots of lubricant!) to pleasure your with his fingers. Slowly moving from the whole non-erogenous body to the neck and face, then to the breasts, and then to the vulva. Although, there is no necessity of moving further down this list. It may be best to have sensuous touch around the face and ears for quite some time. And very strong emotional and physical reactions can result from this alone.
Or, as long as it is pleasant, simply concentrate on the breasts and nipples with manual play or sucking and gentle biting. You want to get to a place where relaxation is deep and enjoyment is complete. Sometimes ‘diving straight in’ generates too much stress and complete enjoyment is not possible–much less orgasm.
A woman can feel when the desire moves in her body and where she would like to be touched. So simply communicate this.
Now, when you are first starting to learn partner orgasm, plan at least 1.5 hours in. The female body, especially if orgasming with a partner is difficult, requires in general a much longer amount of time until it is ready for direct genital stimulation. Give yourself this time. It may take a few sessions until you feel ready to move on to the vulva. This is just fine.
Once at the vulva, start with massaging the outer lips for some time, then the inner lips. Then, upon receiving permission, move inside and gently probe the inside of the woman’s sexuality. Ever so gently, the partner (I will say man for simplicity’s sake) must listen to his woman and follow her lead.
It’s an exploration and a providing of time and space more than it is a goal-driven experience.
As your relaxation as recipient grows, your sensation, experience, and confidence will increase. Once you are able to experience very expanded ecstatic states through manual stimulation, you are ready to move on to penetrative sex–with the same
Of course, this is dramatically simplified. Feel free to contact me for couples Skype or live coaching about this topic where we can discuss your specific issues to deepen your orgasmic experience.
Discovering orgasm for the first time–which is usually a clitoral orgasm–represents a milestone in the life of each woman who experiences is (unfortunately, statistics indicate that between 10-20% of western women will never have this experience).
If you haven’t ever taken time or space to try to explore orgasmic energy, budget in an hour or so and follow this guide here.
If you have tried that a few times, but still can’t seem to orgasm, engage a partner who is proficient at providing pleasure to your gender.
If that doesn’t work, it is probably time to get some help. Feel free to contact me. We will come to a plan of attack so you can begin having the orgasms that are your birthright to experience!
“Take one method and play with it for at least three days. If it gives you a certain feeling of affinity, if it gives you a certain feeling of well-being, if it gives you a certain feeling that this is for you, then be serious about it. Then forget the others, do not play with other methods. Stick to it — at least for three months. Miracles are possible. The only thing is that the technique must be for you. If the technique is not for you, then nothing happens. Then you may go on with it for lives together, but nothing.”
These methods must be practiced. Not read about. So, as you go through the methods, when one sounds interesting. Try it. Perhaps you don’t need three days. But three days is a good amount of time to try the method.
Then, as Osho says, you can try it for three months…