Man is, in part, a warrior. And part of that is the hunter.

The hunter enjoys the thrill of the hunt. The chase…

This motivation causes him to face impossible odds to try and “catch”  ”prey” or achieve difficult things.

This also applies to women.

Part of seduction or looking for a partner is the sheer enjoyment of the chase. Will I succeed? How do I approach stealthily, without ‘spooking’ my prey?

Now, nevermind that the prey in many instances of male/female interaction is enjoying the chase and actually wants to be caught.

The hunt itself is a rush. It satisfies the hunter (who, unless he identifies with results mentally, will simply go hunt the next day if today didn’t work out).

For most men, this is a need which must be fulfilled. The thrill of the hunt.

So, if he is in a relationship, and this need is not fulfilled, what do you think happens?

Without any malice and completely naturally, he might just  go outside the relationship to get it fulfilled.

Men have to have a chance to chase and conquer in real-life situations. The inner warrior demands it. So what does the warrior do once he ‘has his prey’….especially after he has had a chance to munch on it awhile? Even worse, what does the warrior do once he has a signed piece of paper saying that the prey agrees to belong to him? How boring is that for the inner warrior?

Inevitably, he moves on to the next chase. The experience of the real chase that is important. Not the achieving of the goal.

You may think that men are interested in women with large breasts and miniskirts. Perhaps, but they are interested in women with large breasts and miniskirts even more if they are moving!

In other words, the ‘hunter’ is triggered by anything that looks like prey (if we were still hunting for food, he would see deer at 2000 yards instantly). Prey moves. Prey is sometimes even running.

Soooo, if you want a man to become stay interested in you or stay interested in you after “catching” you, what do you do? Stay tuned (or think about some answers yourself!)

The blocks that we have when searching for a partner or relationship are:

1. Admitting that we are looking for a partner. (“Oh, I’m just fine and happy alone!”–the statement to the outside world when inside you are dying inside because your needs are getting met…)
2. Becoming aware of exactly what you are looking for.
3. Fear behind actually looking for it.

So, the harmless,  easy helpful exercise for #2 which I do when someone is looking for a partner (after I help them admit that they actually want a partner, which is  sometimes a very non-easy thing for them to do) is to:

• First, write down all the things you want from a partner…

This is a powerful awareness-adding exercise in itself (in fact, it has provided me with partners pretty much matching my criteria in 4 weeks both times I have consciously done it).

BUT,  there is a second, super powerful and important part of the exercise which I can’t tell you because it will ruin everything, but when you have done the first part, let me know and I will send it to you…

With all due respect to the dynamic 5^th dimension crystal matrix 2012 archangel vortex tetrahedron energetic light masters etc etc I want to talk for a moment about spirituality.

Your spirituality is about finding, and removing all blocks to your personal  passionate purpose here on this planet.

It’s about leaving all the stories and concepts you have about you and your limitations, your pain and your suffering.

It’s about truly experiencing this dimension of physical manifestation. And seeing it for what it is.

And it is about deeply expressing the gifts you have to those that are waiting for them.

As you try to do so, you try to deprogram, process your feelings, find the right teachers, and open to the truth.

How are your relationships?

In our society, we can see the truth of our own spiritual practice very often from the quality of our personal relationships.

Are we filled with anger, fear, regret, sorrow for the past? Do we consult experience to make decisions instead of our intuitive knowing? Do we hold on to past pain instead of feeling the actuality of the present?

Consider the people that you respect and recommend as teachers. Sometimes you may know some of their life stories. Chances are, they faced death in many forms.

• Death of their concepts of themselves
• Death of their ideas about life and the world
• Death of loved ones
• Perhaps even their own deaths or serious illness or accident

They have often faced much pain and suffering.

This is usually necessary to destroy our illusions.

Either we can search out opportunities to let go of our ‘ego’ and its concepts of self, or we can look for opportunities to move our ego from connection to the physical to the spiritual.

As Osho says, a goal of salvation, satori, or enlightenment is still a goal. True spirituality is a consequence, almost a byproduct of constantly pursuing our own truth and power. It is not achieved through looking for ‘the next big thing’, be that a realization, a spiritual skill, or a new experience, unless these things are leading us deeper inside ourselves.

Because the journey is ultimately an internal one, the less we identify with and the more transparent we become, the more likely it is to find that space of spaceless clarity and powerless power that represents our true self.

Our natural social circle comprises a few hundred people—a typical village. In this group, you would have all the specialist skills that the group needs to run effectively, all the various types of people you need for social support and friendship, and enough people to continue in the event of catastrophe.

You don’t need much law to live in a group of 500 people. You don’t need many rules. Things can usually be discussed as they come up.

Because you take care of one another, grow much of your own food, and don’t constantly need transportation to places far away, not very much complex and expensive health care is needed either.

Because children are free to learn whatever skills interest them from whoever in the village can teach it, you don’t need a complex educational system to put energetic children in a box away from sunlight for the majority of every day. With the internet and the ability to read, almost everything that is available outside the group educationally can be utilized internally as well.

Employment is no problem because in such groups, the work needed for sustenance and shelter usually amounts to about 3-4 hours a day. The rest of the time can be freely used.

That is how we used to live.

Then, the Princes of the domination culture came and destroyed these free villages and replaced them with slavery, ownership of land by the few (few-dalism!), compression of people into cities, and then splitting us off into fewer and fewer units of family and social support…

The villages tried to hold together as large families. Monetary concerns (which are minimal in a village) forced many to go to other places in search of it.

At around the turn of the century in the western world, the fundamental societal unit became “the nuclear family”. Mother, father, and children.

This proved to be too much pressure and divorce became the norm.

So now, we have many mother + children units. Some father + children units. And many single individuals. Living alone and feeling lonely because of a limited social support structure.

In a village, since everyone loves and takes care of the children, child abuse is virtually impossible.

In a village, since everyone knows each other, lives in close proximity, and works together, abuse of any form is virtually nonexistent.

Why don’t we want to live this way?

What does it mean when I say, “This is my girlfriend?”

Does it mean:

• Great! Now I have found a way to have sex whenever I want for FREE
• Great! Now I don’t have to do laundry or clean anymore!
• Great! Now the cooking is going to be done for me!

What else might it mean?

• What? There is this moody person living in my house?!?
• What? I am going to be late for everything now?
• What? The bathroom is always occupied?

What does it mean to say, “This is my boyfriend?”

• Great! Now I don’t have to justify myself in front of my father anymore.
• Great! Now I can cuddle anytime I want!
• Great! Now there is someone to tell me how beautiful I am!

What else might it mean?

• What? The toilet seat is up for no reason?
• What? The toilet seat is wet for no reason?
• What? This thing is farting in bed with me!?
• It snores, too?!?
• Aaarrrghhh!!

Generally, we attach a specific set of needs and responsibilities to a relationship, such as we attach to employment…

Like such: I expect to receive $Sum of Money in return for X hours of labor.

Employment, however, is a fairly simple form of human relationship and is usually governed by a contract that provides some level of security for both sides.

Seldom do we enter relationships with these kinds of contracts. And, even if we do, we will have assumed so much that we don’t even realize we are assuming (see the statements above, for example) that conflict about our needs is inevitable.

At first, we might overlook some of our needs being met partially or not met at all, however, the longer these needs go without being met, (or even the feelings belonging to them being expressed),  the more pressure will build up within a relationship.

Why are there such misunderstandings? Why do we seldom have these issues with strangers? Partially because we are not moving into the relationship with labels that include who each person is and what we expect them to do with/for us.

So, instead of asking someone, “Will you be my girlfriend?” or, even worse, it simply happening, what would it be like to say, “When I am with you, I feel happy because the following needs are being met: 1,2,3,4,x… I would like it if you could do 5,6,7,8,x to meet more of my needs. Could you do that?” and then the other person doing the same.

If we did this, instead of entering the relationship with labels, what would happen?

So, something is not right with your life. You want to change something. You may not even realize what that is exactly at the moment. How do you start?

Well, you start by sitting with your back upright and brining your attention to your breathing. Close your eyes for one minute in this position. Maybe you are like me and your back starts hurting. For me, that was anger, for example. Bring your attention to every feeling and sensation, whether comfortable or uncomfortable.

Congratulations. You have started.

Now, what happens when you risk “quiet” (or ‘stillness’ as the Buddhists call it) is that things can manifest to you which you are usually not listening to.

Feelings. Pain. Stuff you usually don’t have time for when you are busy ‘living life’. The funny thing? The stuff that starts showing itself is life. But it’s the part of life you haven’t had time and space for until you start listening. To yourself.

According to some people, this is all you need to do. Just sit and be aware. Everything will come up. You can look at it. Make conscious decisions. You are done.

What if that doesn’t work fast enough?

Well, you might start looking for someone to help you. Who do you go to?

It doesn’t matter at first. Just go to someone who seems adequately strange. A ‘healer’, ‘energy worker’, ‘fortune teller’…anyone who can give you a new (though not necessarily ‘true’) view on things.

Listen to how this person thinks about problems and issues. Compare it with how you tend to think about problems and issues.

This is the start.

Once I was in negotiations for a major business transaction. Compared to most relationships, I was amazed at how simple and straightforward the process was.

I had something the other wanted. They had something that I wanted. We agreed on that major thing first.

Later, we started to go through all the minor details of the purchase.

Never did the guy on the other side of the table say, “I really love you. I want what is best for you.”

No, he was handling in naked self-interest. Yet, he was offering to give me something that I valued in return for something that I didn’t value as much.

I wonder does our society, our educational systems sometimes convince us that what we have to offer others isn’t ‘valuable‘?

So, he was fulfilling my needs. He was helping me out. And he was happy to do it. How is this?

All too often in our personal or intimate relationships, we accuse the other, “You don’t love me! Otherwise you would (or wouldn’t) a,b,c x,y,z.”

But what if personal relationships are just like this negotiation of business sale? What if we came saying, “Well, I am looking for somebody to cuddle me and night and kiss me three times a day and make meals at least 3 times per week.”

And what if the Other could say, “Well, I want my laundry done and I want to go to the opera every month.” etc

And now what if we started with those two long lists of expectations that we wanted our Prospective Significant Other to fulfill and worked on from there–just like in business?

As templates we would probably use the lists of things we watched with our parents, supplemented with those things that we have found out we want and need.

And what if we then wrote up a contract and signed it? Would that create happier relationships?

“You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.” – Zig Ziglar

Allow me to paraphrase that for single women:

You will get all you want from men in your life if you help enough men to get what they want.

So many women are waiting, waiting, waiting for the perfect guy to show up and give them what they want. I see women who go out on dates waiting for some guy to ‘impress them’ enough to qualify for their real gifts.

Does this work?

During this time, the woman is:

• Withholding her true beauty
• Withholding her natural ability to comfort
• Withholding her natural ability to inspire
• Withholding her natural ability to nurture
• Blocking her natural ability to provide other viewpoints and insights
• Limiting a large amount of her intrapersonal contributions that she could be making to the world

Like a miser hoarding his gold, she sits atop her gifts waiting to find the man who deserves this all.

Like Jesus said, if you don’t use your talents, you lose them! Through disuse, all of the support, love and contribution she could be giving slowly atrophies—no wonder no noble knight comes along to slay the dragons guarding her heart for this treasure!

So, what can she do instead?

Cultivate and practice:

• Gracing the world with her natural internal and external beauty
• Her ability to comfort
• Her ability to inspire
• Her ability to nurture
• Sharing her energy and viewpoints and insights

With guys who don’t deserve it. With men who could never qualify for all of those gifts.

Women hold fantastic abilities to transform the world, if they will use them. In the next article, I will talk about some ways a woman can do this without compromising herself, her boundaries, or her ideals.

Ever notice how a woman in our society is allowed to be sexy or intelligent, but not both?

Beautiful models are only allowed to be seen, not to speak. They don’t participate in issues. They don’t go to debates.

Intelligent women are not allowed to act overtly sexy (on company time).

And mothers are not really allowed to be either—they raise children and are not really welcome to participate in the active structuring of corporations, governments, or other organizations—not if they are going to be seen as ‘good mothers’.

Why is this?

Because an integrated woman possesses incredible power which is absolutely terrifying for everyone else—men and women.

Remember the story of the crabs?

If you put one crab in a bucket, he will crawl out. But if you have two crabs in a bucket, just as the first one is making some headway, the second one will put the first down and back in.

This is how we work in society. We want people to be like us. At the moment where they express unusually more power, initiative, competence, or whatever than we have, we become jealous.

If we see them as too inferior, weak, incompetent, we become judge – mental. In either case, we distance ourselves from them inside.

The combination of these two elements is what is referred to as the sin of pride (sin denoting a false way of seeing).

This fundamental split in the energies that a woman is allowed to possess and express has been termed the “Lilith Complex” by German psychologist Hans-Jürgen Maaz.

Lilith was Adam’s first wife, according to Jewish mythology. She was a powerful, sexual woman who wasn’t interested in children. More importantly, she saw herself as Adam’s equal. Rather than put up with the competition, Adam asked God to take her away and provide another—which was done. Eve was docile, obedient, and loved motherhood and children. Now Adam could relax.

Lilith was forever banned into the wilderness.

And that is where she has stayed until this day. She remains there as our concept of “a good mother” is colored into someone who doesn’t overtly display her sexuality (much less do anything ‘kinky’ or ‘wild’), who is peaceful, and gentle and loving and…motherly! The positive qualities are as clear to us as they are cliché. If our mother wasn’t like that (if she was out in discos persuing pleasure instead of at home taking care of us), we wish she would have been. If she is like that, she is honored and revered by society (you know about Mother’s day. You have never heard of Maiden Day, Slut Day, Crone/Witch (wise woman) day…) A good mother puts others first and does not complain about the burdens placed upon her.

But if she is never allowed to be overtly sexual or powerfully shape society, it is easy to understand the frustration (perhaps indicated by the quantity of antidepressants women and especially mothers take in our society) she feels at the lack of expression she has (self-expression being one of the needs from Maslow’s famous hierarchy).

As long as one or more of the key parts of being a woman is denied to almost all women in our society, each woman individually will suffer from the lack of balance of her expression and society suffers from its inability to receive the gifts that are available from a woman who is integrated and comfortable with every portion of her self.

Healing the Split

So, how do we fix this?

How do women:

• Reclaim their inner power as a sexual being (often derogatorily labeled as “slut” or “whore”)
• Manifest their powers of wisdom openly in society (without unnerving or losing the interest of males)

…while retaining the ability to also express the nurturing and “mothering” which is also a key part of the female psyche?

Every woman needs three things from Man*:

• A Lover
• A Warrior and
• A Sage

Unfortunately, society has trained her to believe that she needs to find all of these, perfectly balanced in *one* man while at the same time subjecting all men to the conditioning which results in them usually being unbalanced in all three.

Let’s take a look at it. A lover feels. He is sensitive, emotional. He touches a woman’s heartstrings, plays beautiful melodies with her body. He is romantic and sensitive.

The Warrior is a “get things done” guy. He goes and and does what needs to be done. He fights the battle–no matter the risk. He protects his woman at all times.

A sage is wise. He has the right answers. The right advice. He tempers the emotional swings and encourages her to wait and think about things.

Women: of all of these three, the easiest to get (and therefore, the one no woman should live without) is the sage. What does a sage do? How does he function in a girl’s life?

The sage provides feedback about every major decision a woman is thinking about making. He listens thoughtfully and presently. He doesn’t judge. And often, he can help her find a better, more optimal, or more fulfilling way to do what she wants to do. He serves as an Oracle of the Masculine to the woman.

A woman will look for a sage who is matched to her level of [spiritual] development and experience. A sage for a 15-year-old may have different answers than a sage would for a 45-year-old. Two different sage’s answers may be contradictory, depending upon the level of the asker and the hearer, nonetheless, their answers will be what a woman needs to hear right now.

What have your experiences been with sages? So, who is your sage? Do you have a sage? How did you find him?*

* Yes, I know.